as often happens whenever i start a blog, i have neglected this one. so i thought that would update the void that views these meager words on what has been happening in my life lately.
during the fall i attempted to go to school full time. it didn’t work out. i was also working around 20 hours a week and worrying about passing and failing and whether or not i would still have health insurance this year. as a result, depression arose. i think it really started sometime after i got my wisdom teeth pulled. that was at the end of october. by the second week of november we, being my parents, my therapist, and myself, decided that dropping the courses i was taking and continuing to work would be the best option. currently i am not depressed, am taking a couple of classes and working.
depression is really horrible. especially the kind that you can’t get rid of on your own. some people say it’s all in your attitude: you just need to wake up and decide to have a good day. and sometimes, that is true. but when it is an actual chemical imbalance, and you feel as if you will never be happy again, never truly laugh with your friends, when you walk around in a daze, and don’t know what to do with yourself: that is loathsome.
however, i do think some good did come of this recent bout of sadness. i decided that i don’t want to major in child development. the reason is because i really do not want to teach. when i started in that direction, i thought the major was just the study of how children develop. which shows how well i did my homework. now, i am thinking about majoring in english. granted, i really detest writing; but i think i would do alright in that major. and i do love literature. or at least reading it. also, i would love to eventually work in a library someday. and an english major, i feel, would be an asset there. so- if i hadn’t dropped out of the classes in the fall, i might not be able to transfer as many credits to whichever college i choose to get my degree from.
lately i have been reading c.s. lewis’ mere christianity. there are a couple of points he makes that i find to be… intriguing. he remarks that the bible says in multiple places that Jesus was humble. and yet he went around and forgave the sins of people. that would be like me saying to my sister, “i forgive you,” when she tears my brother’s note paper. lewis says that the only way this makes sense is if Jesus really was the Son of God. the other point was that civilizations always start out right and then eventually, the leadership ends up in the hands of the evil and corrupt. and down falls the civilization. mainly because they are not seeking their happiness in Christ but in material things, etc.
a few days ago i read a letter to the editor, and the answer, in a christian teen girl magazine. the answer is what i disagree with. the editor said that the cross is sacred. it’s a symbol and that what the girl drew probably made God sad. i don’t think i’m saying it right, but to me, the cross isn’t sacred. yes, it is a symbol of what Christ did for me. but the cross is not sacred. it did not do anything to wipe my sins from God’s memory. the bible says that by his stripes we are healed. the cross is simply the means by which Christ died. for me, for you. if Christ had died another way, His sacrifice would have no less meaning. (i’m sure some philosopher, professor, or pastor, somewhere disagrees.)
